Morning glory

This morning I woke up exhausted, after enduring eight hours of deafening fireworks last night; it was Diwali, the fesitval of lights, which as far as I could see consists of buying sweets, eating a big meal with the family, and then going out shooting crackers all night. It was like being in a warzone, the explosions so loud it was impossible to do anything like talking, reading, watching TV.

I hated this place with all my heart last night.

So anyway; I make coffee and I am pacing the terrace looking at several cracker butts scattered all over the floor. Then I look up and I see, on the roof, two large monkeys staring at me. The male start fucking the female and laughing at me. Well, morning sex is supposed to be good for you, isn't it? Then the two monkeys jump down on the neighbour's roof and the male, after uncovering the water tank, starts his ablutions. He washes his legs, his crotch, his face.

I am quite taken by the sight, feeling like I am watching some documentary about urban monkeys. Suddenly they both jump to my terrace, getting very close to me: I wisely retreat into the bedroom and watch them from behind the door. Wisely because before I know it, the male stares at me again, then starts messing with my plants, fiddling with the soil, pulling away the leaves... and then he charges towards me!

I slam the door in time.

I can hear they are playing havoc with the furniture, overturning the table. I hear the glasses shattered on the floor, and the monkeys' insouciant screech.

I have spent at least half an hour locked in my room, terrified. When I finally got out, the terrace looked like a mess, but thankfully the fuckers were gone.

Can anyone please get me out of here, please?